No Harm to.... Mengalah

around in the office about 11am after met Mohan @ Lot 30, DiGi for BSC BSKP1 & BSSH11. got plenty of work but dont know which one to start. I was supposed to meet Tina after met Mohan but I dont think today I can make it.

Do you sometimes force a smile even you dont mean it?

Its not about lie or fake. Im not actually happy, but I want to seem as if I am. Im forced to fake a smile, a laugh for the sake of someone nearby that I really care about… but today, I don’t think I can especially for this lady who called friend, more than that maybe.

reached basement, was looking for parking space. just in time, got sms from my husband..

I perlukn u sgt2. Sntiasa ingn dekat dgn mummy.Tp keadaan n kerja i y x m'izinkn. Kalau i blh keje mcm u remotely from home, cuti xyh apply, keje blh pg lmbt n blk awl, gaji byk, xyh b'pns n b'hujn, xyah ot mcm u, alangkh bahagiany hdp i. Tp i ttp syukur dgn rezeki y ada skrg jika dbndgkn org lain y xda keje n klu dbndingkn dgn gaji lama i. i jg b'terima ksh ats semangat y u bagi pada i hingga i mampu b'ada di tahap ini. Tp dlm hati kecil i, i rs b'slh sgt kt mummy sbb x selalu dpt spend time dgn mummy n family kita. Tp apakndaya, i kn kerja kuat n cb elak dr d buang keje time2 recession ni. T'pulnglh bg mummy utk menilai i. I sdr i mmg suami y x sempurna spt y mummy hrpkn. tp i jnji akn s'tiasa jd y t'baik utk u syg.. utk ank2 kita n keluarga kita.. (sorry for those words perosak perkataan, malas nak retype so just forward to my broadband number, copy and paste)

saya terdiam seketika di dalam kereta, ada rembesan airmata tanpa saya sedari. hati saya benar2 tersentuh membacanya. tanpa saya sedari, tindakan saya berdiam diri dan dingin sepanjang malam dan pagi tadi benar2 melukakan hati suami saya. berdosanya saya kerana membuat suami saya terasa rendah diri dengan membandingkan profession antara kami berdua. Ya Allah!

abang, maafkanlah isterimu yang melampau ini. tidak abang, jangan sesekali bandingkan begitu. Abang tetap yang terbaik. Sungguhpun jumlah setiap bulan yang abang perolehi tidak seperti jumlah yang I dapat, tapi abang tidak pernah abaikan tanggungjawab abang terhadap keperluan I and keperluan rumah juga dapur. Itu bukanlah ukuran, apa yang I perlukan hanyalah masa dari u sayang. Tapi I silap sayang, seharusnya I bersyukur dengan setiap detik dan saat yang u luangkan untuk i. I juga sepatutnya sentiasa memahami pekerjaan dan tanggungjawab u terhadap kerja. I perlu lebih redha dengan halangan ini, inikan dugaan kita sayang.
Ya Rabbi, betapa alpanya aku akan ujianMu.

Saya biarkan emosi kembali tenang, terus menuju lift naik ke office. sms dari suami tidak saya balas. Panjang2 terlintas dalam fikiran tak saya jelaskan pada suami yang sedang bergelut dengan perasaan.. sebabnya? Saya adalah orang yang malas nak bersms, its better voice call than taip satu2, lambat, buang masa.. but to call him at this moment, I don’t think so this is the right time. Semakin banjirlah saya nanti. Nantilah. Siapkan kerja yang melambak dulu then petang sikit baru talk to him.

Sedari tadi tak bergerak dari workstation, busy with those task and mostly to forget the problem..
His solution that Ive received just now, betul2 memujuk hati saya. He might not to be with us on Monday, but he will straight away drive to Melaka by lunch time on the following day which means by 3pm on Tuesday, he would be with me and family. Alhamdulillah…

see below picture, my husband memang suka baby and budak-budak.. that was taken last weekend at my cousin's house @ Pristana, Saujana Utama for visiting her newborn baby girl. ni masa about to leave for home, he said.. daddy nak cium baby dulu, sayang baby sayang baby.. then sambil cium baby tu dia bisik2 apa entah dengan baby. both so comel, baby and daddy as well. wish can have my own by next year, insyaALLAH..

Why Is It So Sudden?!

im not in good mood suddenly. how do u feel if your husband cancelled something well planned earlier? its really hurt.
am i dont understand my own husband? or actually he is the one who dont. ive been trying to understand his work since he has decided to attached with oil and gas industry and if im not mistaken that was about 2 years back. but, for this time, i cant stand anymore.
i was so excited to be away somewhere with him for 5 days but DAMN!!!!!!!
was informed by him this afternoon, his reason ruined everything. i just can say nothing unless 'urrmm, never mind. its fine. ok, gotta go. bye'
deep inside my heart, Hanya ALLAH Yang Tahu.

i was driving home from DiGi and got urgent matter which needs me to be online. now, im here. stopped somewhere, Petronas nearby my house. blogging with tears.

SORRY is easy to say but it wont change anything even to cure the torn in my heart.
this is something MUST be learned. wise time spent much more precious than everything, not just simply breaking his promises.
to be frank, i really wish.. what if, i would say this to him.

how to reduce this pain?
i need to stop crying, i cant see clearly.

i wish i dont have to go home, because i dont feel that way.

Ya Allah, aku mohon kekuatan dan kesabaran dariMu Ya Allah.........................................

as requested by Ms Tina and so on...

owh, long time no see.. its been a while tak blogging. sangat busy and extremely malas. especially due to my low blood pressure condition. nope, im not pregnant. might be next year, will be getting my own, mr zarul jr. cant wait :) ok ok, will keep u guys updated very soon.

starts with the flow of story ok..

on 10th of May, my husband bought this for Mother's Day.. but definitely, nana makan sikit je. should know better siapa yang makan banyak, of course my hubby the buyer of the cake.



and down here, lauk for dinner on Thursday instead of cicak goreng tu cik tina. we were laughing on our way to cyberjaya from subang hitech after meeting @ DiGi and yam cha idea kak azian. took tina to cyberjaya meeting her MKB dearie.. gelak bagai nak pecah perut sebab menu of cicak goreng. asked my hubby what he wanna have for dinner so i may prepare it for him, he answered anything then i said, oklah if that case cicak goreng nak. encik suami saya tu pun cakap ok jugak, sedap tu.. macam nak terputus urat kentut gelak, owh, i cant imagine.. sooo yaakkk! tak lalu nak makan.



and this one my lunch on Friday, busy day. kak liza did take away for me from Alamanda. at last tak sempat makan pun, bawak balik rumah then my husband settled the McD.



hurrrmmm, the below pictures were actually for my birthday on 15th of May. he surprised me with something dalam periuk and something inside the fridge. i was about to prepare dinner and so shocked, surprised and speechless. so adorable. thanks bie.. the most precious actually u reminds me to my birthday each year since over year ago. im the one who always forgot my own birthday and yours as well. my apology, honey.



GPS - with GPS you are always in the know wherever you go



bila anda rasa uncomfortable or else, rasa menyemak je benda monitor kecil tu for your view of driving, what should you do. i was thinking where to put... letak kat situ when its needed or required, kalau tak just simpan dalam box in between kerusi driver and penumpang hadapan. habis cerita.



satisfied of the cleanliness now than before, dah macam tongkang pecah. nak drive pun serabut kepala. tong sampah ke kereta ni.. ahaks :)

ok, this one captured to show muka puas hati sebab kereta dah bersih and kemas. oopppsss, sorry. gelaplah gambar, my P1i not cybershot camera handphone lah. tapi at this moment no intention yet of buying new hp due to priority of using my hp not to take picture.

ok, this time much clearer.

enough here ok, i need to stop my merepek2 idea ni. got meeting @ DiGi about 2pm. wahhh.. pasti panas cuaca ketika itu. sila mengantuk dan malas. ahak :)

see u there tina.

Mother's Day

who's asleep actually :)
alia yawning.. kat pangguan daddy

i am not yet a mother, just experienced to be a temporary mother of baby nur alia natasha. my husband woke me up on early sunday morning just to wish 'Happy Mother's Day, Honey'.. i was so touched but what should i do? cry, smile, happy? because that reminds me of baby alia and especially me and husband were look after her together for few months. how i missed to listen her cry, laugh and to enjoy her sweet smiles. but, even she's not my own, was treating her as mine is a MUST to me. just like my own daughter, pampered her, love her..

my husband know well how sad i am when baby alia was taken away from me. he always there for me to be a shoulder to cry on. yeah, i know we both love alia but that was something we couldnt resist.

and as of Mother's Day, my husband surprised me with something unforgettable memories. thanks daddy. and sempena Hari Ibu juga mummy ingin ucapkan terima kasih yang tidak terhingga kerana sentiasa memberi semangat tanpa jemu, always on my side. also thank you very much for helped me a lot took care of baby alia and being very good father for baby alia and me :)

your concerns are very much appreciated.

love u honey.

So Sweet..

my husband bought something yesterday during his way home. bought some prawn and squid, tapi sotong tu small size, he said thats the biggest yang ada. leceh tau..
and you know why he's so excited to get those which is normally we both will look for it together on weekends.. see below, something that my husband really wanted to. dah lama dia nak but last weekend we went hometown, so yesterday he cant stand anymore. without my knowing he bought it, dah tak tahan sangatlah tu.

next day morning, opened the fridge to start preparing special menu. ookk ooowwww.. only one left, another 2 packet dia dah makan. i only had one of these 3. its ok, let him to finish it.

this one.. guess what, who gonna sleep first? for surelah daddy kan. baby azran susah nak tidur balik because terkejut dengar daddy screamed for MU game, daddy tepuk2 tapi daddy yang tidur dulu..

Its Friday Again...

yes, finally.. its Friday again, weekend is coming. nak duduk rumah puas2, after i've been through s*** weekdays.

'Mother's Day' was the topic discussed on mix fm this morning. most of the callers shared their experiences especially on how hurt when their son/daughter turns and do exactly like what they did to their mother previously. what goes around comes around. yes, this is called life.. you got what you deserved. myself also used to be like that, was a teenage at that moment. sometimes, me and my mom were arguing each other especially when we occured that our opinion wasnt the same.

my mom was a good student last time when she was in schooling time, ex student of Convent Bukit Nenas, and myself.. known as quite good debator. the arguement session was like terrible competition and my late father always there as a judge to calmed us down. ahaks :)

no, actually that wasnt because of my mom was a good student but i guess because we both were young. she just 19years old when she gave birth to me. my father was her teacher and thats why my mom decided not to further her studies after Convent Bukit Nenas due to big age gap between them, 18 years you know. thats amazed me. how loyal they both were waiting for each other. and lucky me now having very nice husband who was waiting for me several years since i was primary school even he just 2 years older than me, not as big age gap as my parents.

my mom is the best mother in the world (yes, of course).

but talking about our previous, i couldnt imagine how my child would be. hopefully, i wont have bad arguement with my kids and i wish they will not so stubborn as their mommy (owh, thats me). yeah, i admit it. im stubborn, i am Taurus.

my mom is my idol, i wanna be very good wife and very good mother as she is. my late father was so lucky having my mom as his wife, and thats exactly i want my husband to feels. as for now, alhamdulillah. my husband never complaint anything.

M is for the million things she gives me.
O means only that she's soft to hold.
T for the things she tries to teach me.
H is for her heart of purest gold.
E for her eyes with love light shining.
R means right and right she'll always be.

if the friend is one, who can sense your emotions by sheer instinct. if a techer is the one, who knows just how to mould you into the best person you can make....then i am lucky for sure...because i have them all in someone, who is truly my own - My Mom

i love you as my mother. i respect you as a woman. i trust you as my friend. u mean so much to me and im so lucky to have you. there is no word may describe how precious u are in my whole life. you are the strongest woman ive ever met and ive been observing since 24 years back, and the peak was when we lost Abi. u such the best idol and thats how i am now. your son in law keeps saying that im good, im the best, im independent and so on.. those things actually were u used to be.

Happy Mothers Day Ummi.

Thanks for everything u've done to me. its priceless.... i cant even afford to pay. here i am, because of u... my Ummi, Pn Hjh Faridar Hasni Mohd Hailani.

hate this time Monday

listened to hitz fm at home while i was getting ready for office, pretty admire the receiver of 'gotcha' call. the way she answered and handled the prank was so cool, professional and in etiquette. and was listening conversation of rudy and jj with their guests. all the way driving i've been smiling alone, looks such a crazy lady right? kekkekekee..
my day has just started with very good mood even im quite sleepy, tired of weekend but never mind. i've got quality of time spent with my family..
someone is away for Australia about 2 weeks.. sigh..
something new to learn and something new to handle. take it as my own responsibilities, treat it as good experience and lesson to be learned.
yes, positive! positive!
no 'monday blues' in my dictionary of life.