Apa Itu Cinta

Love..love..love...
Love is in the air...

Cinta, apa itu cinta..
Cinta adalah bila.... walaupun dia ada disisi kita tapi kita tetap terasa rindu padanya.
Cinta juga adalah.... bila kita lihat matanya, kita akan rasa semakin dalam cinta padanya..

Abg, dapat kuterokai rasa cinta yang semakin mendalam dari sinar matamu, dari pandanganmu..

Saat ini suamiku sedang di dalam bilik menyidai baju, dia sering membantu meringankan kerja2 rumahku.
'syg kan dah tolong basuhkan baju, masakkan mee kari untuk sarapan. meh sini i sidaikan baju'

Terasa ingin ku berlari menuju suamiku, rasa nak peluk dia erat2..
Thanks for everything syg..
I love u till the end of my life...

ok, need to get ready... LOVE OUTING. its Sunday. Sunday.!

Pesona Nona, Saluran Bakat, Santapan Minda..

my friend texted when i was mopping: 'the best tagline for Pesona Nona pls, quick quick'

she must be crazy, asking me the best tagline for Pesona Nona. wakkakaka..
not to say the best but the idea that i can give her for the time being.. is Pesona Nona, Saluran Bakat, Santapan Minda.. replied her sms.
if not really ok, Cabaran Minda instead of Santapan Minda.
hey sis, u decide la.

anyway, good luck for the ujibakat session.
me?? owh, cannot! they required single. IM NOT SINGLE.



above: candid picture taken. kekkekekke.. tapi my hubby dah curik dari hp i.
posted already dalam blog dia pulak tu.. oowwh wwoooh.. how dare he is. nanti dia..
sibuk aje..

Sunway Lagoon or Movie

browsing online ticket for sunway lagoon.
i was about to buy, suddenly remember that hubby wanting to watch movie this week.
alaaaaaaa... which one ni.
kalau choose sunway lagoon for sure since 10am to 6pm will be there.
or else nak book ticket wayang..
sunway lagoon online ticket dapat on monday, so available to go next sunday.
tapi boleh je kalau nak beli terus esok ticket tu, tak payah beli online.
tapi masalahnya lets say ticket not available ke esok, takkan nak terus pegi cari ticket wayang.
taknakla beratur...
kalau dah online booking ticket wayang tu tiba2 ticket sunway lagoon available pulak esok.
alaa, nak pergi sunway lagoon.
mesti membazir ticket wayang pulak.

call him la, let my hubby decide. tapi mesti dia nak tengok wayang.
or else tengok wayang petang ni, esok pergi sunway lagoon.
dua2 keinginan dapat dipenuhi.
wweeeeeeee wwwweeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeeeee weeeeeeeee..
so tengok wayang kat alamanda je la kalau macam tu.
hope and wishing my hubby will agree. puuuuh.. amin.

Live Band

3.30pm
just reached office, got MIP and Core meeting since 9.30am at DiGi Subang Hitech. SO EARLY.
that's the time i normally pass by my guard house.
DAMN!! i was running out of time this morning, suddenly stuck at toll gate at elite highway.
my smart tag out of battery.
bad day..

upon reached office, one guy came to my workstation. i was about to start up my pc.
guess what! they request me to sing for Ericsson dinner. hmmm, sounds interesting.
great, but wait! do u think my hubby allow me to do so?

okk oowww...

notes: for those person always supporting me when last time attached to one band group, thanks a lot. your understanding is highly appreciated. BIG THANKS!

dear diary

above are the place where i like to go when i need refreshment..

-Ericsson coffee area wing B (any floor as long as wing B)
-DiGi open air area (next to their bakery cafe)

just went coffee area, was thinking of something.

my point is.... feel need to jog down something..

this problem occured when i retrieve email from my hubby sent to his friends, forward wedding picture of us.
i saw something strange. one of the receiver was in the loop 's***** m****'??
i really need to know who is that, when i asked my hubby.. jawapannya menghampakan. so, i have to find it on my own.

tapi aku ni really dont know how and dont have time to find it out.
i told my PA how to find out people by email address.
i really need to know.
PA yg baik hati tu pun volunteer to do it for me.
am i lazy?
owh... got plenty work else nak buat.

few days after, i was told that regards person ada friendster and blog.
wow, wonderful PA. can be PI as well.
oh god, so shocked. someone ive met before.
no wonder dia marah aku by the time i called her.
i still wonder, whats going on??

kenapa dia marah sangat kat aku, apa kaitannya with my husband?
confusing.
i guess, its more than 3 times aku pernah baca blog dia and sometimes her entry was about apa yang dia alami because right now she is pregnant.
before this dua kali aku ada sms dia tanya khabar and wish hari raya if im not mistaken, she replied tapi bila dia tanya aku siapa.. aku tak balas.
should i tell her who am i.?
teringin sangat nak sms dia and bagi semangat untuk dia menghadapi saat saat kelahiran.
or else maybe boleh kongsi pengalaman and cerita.

nak sms ke tak, nak sms ke tak.
kalau kena marah macam dulu, how?

aku perlukan kekuatan.

travelling 2 and half hours

these few days so tiring to me..

have to come to office from my hometown everyday. its about 2 or 2 1/2 hours drive.

but still ok to me as long as 'he' is with me.

this morning, 'he' was driving... and when we were reaching R&R usj, the car slowing down.

he turned to the rest area, thought 'he' need to take a break or 'pee pee'.

suddenly he hugged and kiss me.

whispering 'i miss u'..

we took 10 minutes break there. wweeee weee weeeee...

my husband always unexpected!

can i shout out... I LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!

my day started with flowerssssssssssssss..

Ruin My Life

this design really kill me today, ruin my life.. waattttttcchhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!
dont come to me, will get u kick for free..

ONE LOVE UNDIVIDED

- has happened in Malacca during my hubby went to his office (Malacca branch)

when i was alone in the hotel, was doing my work sitting in front of my laptop.
then, suddenly received one email from husband. subject stated, ONE LOVE UNDIVIDED.
i opened zip file attached...

my God, so much of our picture together me and my husband inside that file which also named ONE LOVE UNDIVIDED file..

syg, thanks for the happiness u giving to me.
thanks for coming into my life.
thanks for being with me in all time.
thanks for loving me.
thanks for everything, BIG THANKS honey.

past few days which was extremely happy

me and hubby were spending time together, only two of us...
owh, heaven.. love it.

love him love him love him so much.
love the way he love me, love the way he treat me.
Alhamdulillah..


so, Tina dearly..
i'm experiencing nice moment and happy life.
each second so meaningfull.
sis, go and get married. quick quick. ahaks ;p

mee too......................

hubby texted:

syg......

then, i answered:

yes dear, anything?

he replied:

rindu......sgt sgt sgt sgt

laaaaa, ingatkan apa tadi. sabar je tau.
dahla tengah busy, nasib baik dia tak jadi outstation hari ni. esok baru pergi.
kalau tak pening lah kepalaku ini, hectic hectic.

so, tomorrow.. going away from work for a while. is that really away?
owh, still can be reached via phone and email. still contactable.
getting headache. ouwchh!!

Blog which belong to my hubby

oh bored... i dont know what to do.
did some work, called bestfriend of mine.. watching Mami Jarum @ Ria.
still bosan, nak masak hubby tak makan kat rumah hari ni.
so, i just browsing and drop by kat blog my hubby..
occured last week yang hubby ada blog, baru teringat memang he told me once yang dia dah buat blog.. cuma isterinya ni too busy and tak pernah pun terbaca sebelum ni.

this is my 2nd time baca blog dia.
bila baca tu, rasanya macam hilang marah and kecik hati kat hubby.
should i forget what he've done?
hmmm, whatever he is.. he is my husband right?

yeah, admit this. i love him much, mesti tak boleh nak marah abg lama2.
tapi sampai bila abg nak buat macam ni..

bila baca semua tu, no wonder la kawan2 abg hari tu cakap abg romantic.
ooowh, such a sweet.

angin, sampaikan salam cinta dan rinduku ini pada abg yang masih kat office.
thanks for that blog but im sorry about mine, sebab mummy takkan bagitau abg yang mummy pun ada blog.
ini ruangan mummy, this can be good listener to me.
because there is something that i can't share with hubby.

whatever it is, i love abg so much... even more..

....sad sad sad...

memang dah agak dah..

abg suka macam ni tau.

sedihla i... kenapa syg macam ni..

mummy tak kisah kalau syg cemburu tapi tolonglah syg jangan keterlaluan..

hubby sms one of manager kat office aku. sometime hubby sms him using my hp, seems like aku yang sms that guy.

kalau dia nak marah ke, nak maki ke dia sms la that guy.

he got nothing to do with me syg. kenapalah u marah2 dia.

how can i explain to him.. GOD

im so stress lately due to my work/project and add up lagi dengan hubby aku ni.

few times dah dia buat macam ni.

it has happened last year, hubby sms ex officemate dia macam2. pakai hp dia, pakai hp aku.

macam2 jugak dia sms just because of i comes to know that dia dulu pernah ada relationship dengan officemate dia (such as couple la to me) tapi bermati2an dia deny.

hubby claim that lady tu je yang suka and selalu paksa2 dia.

he said that lady not his taste la. pening dibuatnya kepala aku ni.

memanglah ada few of my hubby's friends explained to me the truth that my hubby tak pernah suka kat perempuan tu tapi at the first place kenapa hubby aku ni nak sms macam2 kt that girl.

enough is enough.

bertambahnya sakit hati aku ni bila officemates dia pulak tuduh2 aku yang buat hubby berubah.

Ya Allah, takkan aku nak ajar suami aku berkelakuan keterlaluan.

sudahnya, aku yang jadi mangsa. sedih sangat.

i wish if i can meet that lady, who knows we may be friend.

tapi bila abg dah buat macam tu mesti that girl marah and takkan kawan dengan aku.

abg, u DISSAPOINT me.

sekali lagi masa tu if i'm not mistaken this year, satu petang tu hubby suruh aku call seseorang.

aku kenal dia, pernah sekali jumpa masa kenduri rumah kawan hubby, jumpa kali kedua masa pergi wedding dia kat pahang, kat mana ye.. jerantut ke temerloh, lupa.

and i still keep gambar2 masa wedding tu.

masa tu best sangat sebab dapat jumpa kawan2 hubby, i just treat them naturally, appreciate them macam kawan aku sendiri.

to me, kawan hubby kawan aku juga.

tapi petang tu hubby bagi no hp akak tu kat aku, dia ni coursemate hubby masa belajar dulu.

aku pun call tanpa banyak soal lagipun aku kenal akak ni and masa tu dia baru pregnant so that bolehlah ucap congratulation sekali..

sad, she answered my call and suddenly marah2 aku.

why?? what did i do wrong.?

balik rumah aku tanya hubby and ada sedikit marah dan perasaan jengkel atas apa yang terjadi.

aku benar tak faham apa sebenarnya yang berlaku. sampai sekarang hubby tak bagitau aku.

mulalah masa tu teringat balik kes officemates dia tuduh and marah aku macam2 tu.

sedih, kusut, marah, serabut.. semua ada.

ingatkan abg dah berubah, rupanya he did it again.

itu belum lagi dengan engineer and integrator aku yang pernah terima sms dari hubby, siap ada yang kena maki lagi.

serabutlah kepala i ni, dah rupa macam gambar as below.

kepalaku yang serabut macam kat switch room ni la.

Aku BENGANG

tiba2 rasa macam bengang sangat.
my hubby access my yahoo mail.
no wonder sometime i occured they are no longer 'unread mail'.
its not the matter of hiding something from him but that suppose my PRIVACY.
how could he?

is that wrong when i need some privacy.
my pda, my hp, my laptop, my friendster even my yahoo mail are no longer privacy.
GOD!

Sukar Lelapku...

Last night reached home by 8pm, hubby dah pesan tak payah buat masak lemak macam yang dia request sebab dia tau wife dia ni balik lambat and penat. Dia suruh masak simple2 so i just prepared mee goreng basah udang, favourite dia tu..

Then, my junior texted to let me know yang they are coming to my house. Aiseymen, nak jamu apa ni? Dah planned nak masak something simple. Sis, if u let me know i may prepare something special for u, bukan selalu pun datang rumah i kan.

So i masak mee tu more portion and buat pecal, nasib baik ada taugeh, kangkung and timun, tinggal prepare kuahnya.

Lepas guest balik, cepat2 kemas2 and basuh pinggan sebab hubby kata dia dah mengantuk sangat. I tidurkan dia...tapi lepas my hubby dah diulit mimpi, aku tak boleh tidur sampai pukul 4.30am.

I've been thinkin so many thing, ku tenung wajah suamiku, sedih sangat rasanya bila teringat kisah we all bercinta masa remaja2 dulu. Waktu tu aku not yet ready for that kind of commitment, aku telah putuskan hubungan dengan suamiku dulu walaupun masa tu aku tau dia memang sayangkan aku. Tapi aku rasa masa tu aku terlalu muda untuk itu semua, cinta monyet yang aku rasa hanya akan menyusahkan hidup aku.

Sekali lagi we all bercinta masa sama2 dah masuk "U" tapi disebabkan masa tu aku buat sambilan 'part time job' so masa amat berharga buat aku. Buat kedua kalinya aku tinggalkan Zarul, aku tak sangka masa tu rupanya dia teramat sedih.

Maafkan diriku suamiku, tapi ketika itu aku rasa aku tak punya banyak masa untuk itu semua..

Apa yang penting waktu itu buatku, EARNING MONEY. Macam2 kerja aku buat masa belajar dulu, Personal Asst. (Const. Comp), PR (Butik baju & kain provider), Singer (Live Band), Host (Chillis grill & bar) cuci pinggan kat cafe pun pernah masa tu.

Penat rasa badan tapi aku puas dengan pulangan yang aku dapat.

Walaupun my parent berkemampuan tapi aku lebih selesa hidup dengan duit sendiri.

Memandangkan im the eldest, adik bawahku seramai 5 orang so i think its better i stand on my own.

Tapi, pendirianku itu membuatkan insan yang menjadi suamiku kini menderita and kecewa.

Benarlah kata pepatah, andai jodoh tak kemana.

Saban tahun menjelang raya walaupun kami bukan lagi sepasang kekasih, dia tetap setia bertandang ke rumahku.

Tiap minggu atau paling tidak sebulan dua kali dia pasti menelefonku bertanya khabar..

Akhirnya pada syawal 2006, selepas kepergian arwah 'abi' ku yang tersayang, dia menyatakan keseriusannya untuk mengambil aku sebagai permaisuri hidupnya..

Aku terkedu, dia masih setia mengharapkan aku.

Dia banyak memberi semangat dan dorongan setelah aku kehilangan 'lelaki' dalam hidupku iaitu 'abi' terbaikku.

Dia mengerti betapa besar tanggungjawabku terhadap keluarga.

Kini, dialah 'lelaki' ulung dalam hidupku.

Ya Allah, Kau peliharalah diriku dan perbuatanku dari menyakiti hatinya.

Amin...

mood vacation dah ni...

rasa macam dah takde mood nak buat kerja..

i did booking reservation today, viewing those picture.. imagining, looks nice then it must be nice.. 6 nights stay.. will miss my home nanti..

bestnya...
lagipun quite sometime jugak tak pergi bercuti.

Keluhan Suamiku

12.13, Lunch time

I dont think sempat nak makan, so just stay at my workstation and makan green apple yang i beli last week.

Then my phone rang, hmm fix line number so as usual i answered the call and say "Farhana speaking, hello.."

The caller said "i love u, hello.."

Oh, my hubby, tak perasan pulak office no. dia tadi.

"suka dengar sayang jawab call, macam operator pulak" hubby

"just to people recognize me" akulah cakap "have u had ur lunch abg?"

"belum..." suamiku menjawab diiringi dengusan dan keluhan.

I know, there must be something not right.

"sayang, i letihlah. kerja banyak, masa tak cukup. im sorry sayang sebab kadang2 takde masa untuk u and keluarga kita"

Betullah sangkaan aku, suamiku mengeluh pasal kerja. Dia kata sakit kepala and otak. Banyak sangat issue and outstanding.

Dulu dia bising jugak bila aku selalu sibuk and mementingkan kerja, i dont know how to explain.

Memang my life dulu is work and work and work, lagipun semua tu tanggungjawab i, i tak boleh nak abaikan sesuka hati. But now, suami dah rasa sendiri apa yang pernah aku alami dulu.

What else can i say, "sabarlah sayang, u do it slowly ok. mummy tau daddy mampu buat semua tu" aku mestilah nak pujuk suami kan. "next week i teman u outstation ok"

Suami aku apa lagi "betul??"

Dengan confidence aku jawab "ye.. i dah booked hotel dah, kita stay Riviera Bay Resort ye tapi now ni dah tukar nama dah, Everly Resort..sayang mummy ni jangan sedih2 ye"

Akhirnya, pergi jugaklah aku ikut suamiku itu. Sebab tu cari hotel yang ada wifi so i can be still available for work.

My lovely hubby, do u know that im trying to be someone that u can rely on.

I wanna be shoulder to cry on and good listener to u.

I menghargai keinginan u untuk mengahwini i, i kagumi kesetiaan u menanti i sejak dari zaman sekolah lagi..

Kasih sayang dan kesanggupan u untuk melalui apa jua rintangan demi hidup bersama i too precious bagi diri i.

Ini sajalah yang aku mampu lakukan buat setakat ini untuk balas semua jasa suamiku.

Other than that, aku nak carikan kerja lain untuk dia... kat Cyberjaya ni, ada Shell, it should be ok kot kalau try check the vacancy sebab my hubby now ni pun attached dengan oil and gas company.

Boleh pergi kerja together by one car... sounds good.

Good luck Farhana.

alaa, i dont have la the latest picture of my hubby working.

Semoga Allah beri kekuatan dan kebijaksanaan mengendalikan sesuatu pada suamiku ini.

Amin ya rabbal alamin.

Dilema...

Safely home at 6.30pm, tak tahan rasanya. Today was extremely hectic.
Tak sempat pun lunch hari ni.
Now is 8.55pm, hubby not home yet so adalah masa nak meluahkan rasa kat sini.
Hopefully he wont find this out, this blog is my privacy..
This month very painful to me, project memang tengah "klimaks".

Hubby is going off nextweek, outstation.. then, the problem is he is asking me to go with him.
What should i do, nak pergi ke taknak. Kerja memang tengah melambak..
Or else, i may working remotely.. wifi and broadband kan ada..
Tapi macam tak sama, unable to attend meeting with the customer.
Ya Allah, berilah aku petunjuk..

Dulu sebelum kahwin, my job is my priority tapi bila dah ada suami ni.. i perlu berubah, kerja memang suatu ibadah, tapi niat bekerja setelah bergelar isteri ni bertukar, berkerja sebab nak bantu ringankan beban suami.. bila kita masih utamakan kerja sehingga mengenepikan permintaan dan mengabaikan kehendak suami, itu dah silap. Jangan sampai kerja buat kita mengabaikan tanggungjawab sebagai isteri terhadap suami.

So maybe i should go. Hurrmm, but how?

Dear Diary

im alone now, hubby is in his office..

hanya bertemankan love song by celine, shania twain & whitney..

astro ria terpasang tanpa penonton, macam takde mood nak tengok..

kenapa ye, keep thinking of each moment, movement together..

layanan suamiku malam tadi amat istimewa..

how should i say, terlalu bahagia..

ada debaran dihati ini, bagai degupan saat2 bercinta dahulu..

he such a very good husband...

i want to spend my lifetime loving him..

trying to give my best to him..

he is the one who willing to sacrifice everything for me..

my god, he just called me and he said.. "i just call to say i love u"

oh, such a sweet..

macam tau2 je i'm writing something about him..

honey, missing u so much here..

what should i cook for our dinner tonight?? hmmm...

abg nak makan apa ye...

or else, it's been a while we both tak keluar bersama..

let me check on Secret Recipe and nice movie to watch..

Dimanakah Titik Mula

aku benar2 tak tahu dimana harus ku mula...
and don't know how to start..
tapi blog ini aku jadikan ruang luahan hati, instead of my PDA, laptop or diary.. all those mine no longer P&C which means there is someone always keep his eye on them.
jam telah menunjukkan 8:05pm, aku masih disini, di office dgn bertemankan kebuntuan fikiran.
it's really hard to twist it, wake up nana! u are married! go home, go home.. your husband will be waiting for u, he is driving home now.
oh god! help me out of this burden.
there will be plenty of work, sampai mati pun takkan habis.
but i'm still young, i am 24. still looking forward my secure life, with all the mission and vision.
should i blame this marriage?
no, definitely i can't.
what should i do??
now my day become shorter... may i have 46 hours for each day?
adakah aku seharusnya bersyukur, punya seorang suami yang sangat baik dan penyayang.
dia terlalu menyayangi aku tapi ada ketikanya aku rimas dengan sikapnya yang kuat cemburu.
adakah cemburu itu tandanya sayang, atau adakah cemburu itu perlu apabila kita menyayangi seseorang?
aku jua ada perasaan cemburu tapi cukuplah sekadarnya, jika ia keterlaluan, ia pasti memusnahkan..
bagaimana lagi harus aku nyatakan pada suamiku, berkali kurasa.
ada ketikanya kurasakan matlamatku agak terhad dan tersekat.
aku tidak lagi ligat dalam perniagaan sampingan, tidak lagi sibuk mencari client dan pemilik saham.
hanya dengan kata2 "u nak kaya macam mana lagi?" cukup membuatku faham suamiku kurang senang, aku perlu akur...
ikhlaskan hati wahai Farhana, redhalah...

i'm about to leave for home.
this project is ongoing, i'm surrounding with commitmence date and deadline..
my hubby will be working tomorrow so i may get it done at home.
Allah itu maha mengetahui, Dia jugalah yang memudahkan perjalanan hidup ini.